A Place Within the Tent

I have struggled with the concept of non-Jewish partners and their roles within the Jewish community.

While in Rabbinical School, I believed that non-Jewish partners should have no role and no say in what goes on with the Jewish community. If they want to participate, then they should convert.

Simple.

And then I come to Okinawa, with people who want to convert and their partners do not, non-Jewish spouses who attend services and events, argue Torah with me over Oneg after services and who make Challot for Shabbat Oneg since there is no Kosher bakery on island.

The discussion is not simple.

I blessed a non-Jewish spouse on his birthday this past Shabbat. There was no doubt in my mind that I would bless him and what I would say to him.  How could I not?!

I gave him the priestly benediction, one that he knows almost by heart because he blesses his children at Oneg with those same words every week. He hugged me and thanked me afterwards.

Two weeks ago, I helped an intermarried couple prepare for their "weddiversary (20 years of marriage and now they want a ceremony)." He's Jewish and his wife is Okinawan. I helped them combine the two traditions into one ceremony. They wanted their rabbi to explain to them the Jewish ceremony, the nuances and rituals.

Should I have turned my back on them because she has chosen not to convert? Both their sons were converted, raised in a Jewish home, had their Bar Mitzvah's...

This is not the last time I will revisit this topic. But for now, I am at peace with my decision and as far as I can see, my community is too.