One of the challenges of being a chaplain, is balancing our job of helping sailors and their families grieve, while we ourselves are grieving of a loss in our own lives.
I lost a friend from shul on Thursday. Her name was Vanina (Zichrona Livracha = May her Memory Be For a Blessing).
We joked about our rhyming names, and mutual small stature.
She had become more observant and involved in the shul in the last 10 years of the 56 she lived.
I was supposed to teach her how to Lein Megillat Esther.
It uses a different tune than the regular Torah reading.
She messaged me during deployment, because she wanted to know she missed me.
She would scold me for sitting by myself in the back of the shul, when the rest of the "regulars" all sat together, closer to the Bimah (stage).
She was a Gute Neshama - a good soul.
And when she hugged me, all my worries fell away.
Right after I heard about Vanina's passing, I got a call that Thomas' family wanted me to deliver the eulogy at his Celebration of Life, on Shabbat.
Friday morning, I sat on the phone, talking with family and friends of Tom's, to gather more details to include in the eulogy. I stopped long enough to get dressed and go to Vanina's (Z"L) funeral.
After the funeral, I went home, changed clothes, and started writing the opening blessing, eulogy, and closing blessing for Thomas.
And then I went to shul.
It was at Kiddush (fellowship after services) that I could not hold back the tears.
I cried for Vanina (Z"L).
I cried for Tom.
I cried because the world has lost two amazing people in such a short period of time.
***BUT BOTH LIVED LIFE ON THEIR TERMS,***
For that, I am grateful.
But I still had a job to do.
I had to help the family and community Tom created, to say goodbye.
So, I did what needed to be done.
I decompartmentalized my losses and went back to writing.
Sometimes, being a chaplain is hard.
But there is no-where else I would rather be.
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